I got news I had hoped I would never here. Yes the big "C----er". I am beyond devastated. R went for her yearly sports physical yesterday and her Ped found a knot on her thyroid. So we were immediately sent for an ultrasound of her thyroid. We got the results today and the ultrasound found 2 areas of interest. There is the benign appearing cyst that the doctor palpated on the right lobe and the mass that we knew nothing about that is wrapped around the left lobe of thyroid. I thought it was a mistake at first, that they messed up the right and left. That is not the case. If the doctor had not noticed the knot on the right side of her neck, we never would have known the suspected malignancy was there. We have no concrete plan yet to what will happen.

I am a nurse, my mind easily knows all the worst case scenerios and my mind just keeps repeating all those scenerios. She will be going to Children's on Monday and they told us to expect to stay. I have not talked to Riss about what the doctors are thinking and fuck if I know how I will approach that.

How do you tell a 15 year old that they are sick? She is my baby, my only little girl, my firstborn, how can I destroy her innocence. No matter the outcome she will come out of this a changed person. I am so afraid something will happen to her. I never wanted her to feel hurt or scared or to have to question her mortality at 15 years old. I know R is not the 1st person to recieve this type of diagnosis but it is just moving so fast. I feel like it just keeps tumbling over us and we cannot catch our breath. I beg of you no matter what your religion to pray for my daughter, hell sacrifice a chicken if you have to just please send those healing thoughts our way.

If anyone who reads this blog knows anyone especially an adolescent who has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer please let me know either through the comments or e-mail(denissa06 at axisps dot com), I would just like to know what to expect. R was always my healthy kid. In the last 10 years she has only been to the doctor once a year for physicals. Between the boy who turns blue, with a rare brain defect and the girl with the big "C", I must have pissed someone off in a a past life. I am raising the white flag, I am calling uncle. Please universe no more, because I really do not think I am strong enough to take it.