So we make our trek to the Cleveland Clinic on Sunday night for surgery Monday morning. We have waited for this day so Riss could feel better, but yet it seems to have come up too soon. I don't know if I am ready for this. I know it has to be done but that does not mean that I am happy about it. I am scared out of my mind. I think Riss is probably handling it better at this point. She sees it as an end to all the horrible symptoms she has been experiencing. I used to think being a nurse put me at an advantage when it came to medical issues. It. does. not. My mind immediately goes to worst case scenerios and it keeps me up at night. Please pray that my girl will come through and not need anything more then radiation. We both would be eternally grateful!

We have spent upwards of 9 Valentines Day's together. Who knew that 1 blind date would turn into meeting the person I would love for the rest of my life.
Jim and I met on a blind date. I decided to take some friends with me, in case he was a serial killer, or worse, ugly. I remember hiding behind the door and telling my friend I would signal if I thought he was heinous, and if I signaled, to tell him I couldn't make it. Well obviously he wasn't heinous.
We went out to a bar that night in a group. He was charming and everything I could ever want. I ended up drinking a little too much that night, and Jim made the mistake of wearing a white Polo shirt. I must interject that this was the 1st and last night he ever wore white around me:). I remember the jello shots of gold schlagger which were probably my downfall that night. I ended up puking my guts out all over Jim's nice white shirt.
I knew after that night he was the one, not because he asked me out again after I puked all over Eastern Ohio, not because he was so sweet about my puking and so caring, but because he held my hair while I puked that night so it wouldn't get in the toilet.
Happy Valentines Day Jim! I know you probably got the bad end of this deal:) xoxo

The surgery date has been set. Risser will be going to the Cleveland Clinic to have a total thyroidectomy. Surgery was postponed supposedly to get the thyroid under control. I think we just happen to have a busy surgeon and he fit us in when he could. This belief was affirmed by a call from the Endocrinologist who said that the thyroid inhibitor should be working at full throttle now and Riss could stop the Inderal. While I am doing cartwheels(ok theorhetical cartwheels), this pisses me off too. If she could go off the Inderal then the thyroid inhibitor is working and she should be stable for surgery. I know this is very slow growing but this puts Riss possibly missing outdoor track season as well. I know this sounds silly but she trained so hard for indoor track and then to miss it bummed her out. She just wants this over with and I cannot say that I blame her. I mean if I had two tumors on my thyroid one of them visible and palpable, I would be ready to get it out too. So please keep her in your thoughts and prayers around the 2nd of March. They are all greatly appreciated!

So we are in a hurry up and wait mode. We saw the surgeon who from here on out will be know as Dr Jewfro. He seems nice enough and very knowledgeable on Pediatric Thyroid Cancer. So I don't think we could be in better hands at this point. Dr Jewfro seems to think it is cancer so he did a biopsy after every doctor telling Risser she wouldn't have to have one. I was pissed but also understood why he felt he had to do it. He did a section of the nodule and also lymph nodes. I almost passed out but she handled it like a trooper. There isn't enough Xanax in the world for me to sit still for that. She did it with nary a whimper. I am so proud of that kid.

So basically the plan is this.....Inderal and throid suppressive medicine for 3 weeks. Then one week of I think it is called Lugol or something like that, but it is an iodine drink she will need to drink 1 week prior to surgery everyday. This shrinks the blood supply to the thyroid to try and prevent so much blood loss during surgery. He said that if he has to remove lymph nodes then there is a 30-40% chance she will lose her parathyroid glands also.

Riss continues to feel like she has been hit by a mack truck and the medications make her feel like shit. Her pulse rate continues to h0over in the 110's even on the Inderal. She just wants to get this over with and get better. It is so hard to get her to take medications that make her feel like shit. She will continue to try to go to school through this but it is really hard for her because she is so weak. We will try again tomorrow and if she cannot get through it then we will start home instruction until she is back and feeling better after surgery.

So we have pre-admission testing at the Cleveland Clinic Wednesday and that is where Risser will be having her surgery. Keep the well wishes and prayers coming, we appreciate every one!

“When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better.” Author Unknown

This quote pretty much sums up how we are feeling at Casa de Miserable these days. Because I am lazy I am just posting the updates I emailed to family.

Here is the abbreviated version of what happened. The big nodule on the left side is believed to be Hoshimotos thyroiditis. This is an auto-immune condition that does open the door to may other autoimmune diseases such a Celiac's, Lupus, Type 1 Diabetes, Autoimmune liver Disease and scleroderma. The main thing that concerns them about the larger nodule is that she shows no antibodies for Hoshimotos thyroiditis. So it may be something else or just presents in an abnormal fashion. She will have to be monitored for this for the rest of her life. The nodule is pressing against the trachea and making her cough all the time. So of course because the size and location it will have to be removed.

The right side still presents as a malignancy they are opting to remove the whole thyroid. No sense in doing a needle biopsy because they are removing the whole thyroid anyway(which I agree with and they would have had a fight on their hands had they told me they wanted to do one.) So she needs to have a nuclear study to see exactly the position of the big nodule before surgery because then they know the position to major structures in the throat. They do not do the test at Children’s so we found a place locally that does them and we will get in Wednesday. It is a 2 day test so she will go in Wednesday morning then goes back again Thursday. We are anticipating meeting with the surgeon on Friday or Monday, then surgery sometime next week.

We will know after the pathology is back after the surgery what the next steps are. The Endocrinologist put her on Inderal for her heart rate which was 148. So that is the long and short of it. Things could be worse, they could be better. He said he felt with surgery and radiation she would probably be fine depending on what the nuclear study shows.

Riss is actually doing very well considering and liked the Doctor. She just wants to get busy, get well, and get back to track and school. She is having horrible neck pain now and feels very weak most of the time. They said this is just the excess thyroid hormone catching up with her. Thank you for all your emails and prayers. They were much appreciated. We are not out of the woods but can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that it does not end up being a train.

I got news I had hoped I would never here. Yes the big "C----er". I am beyond devastated. R went for her yearly sports physical yesterday and her Ped found a knot on her thyroid. So we were immediately sent for an ultrasound of her thyroid. We got the results today and the ultrasound found 2 areas of interest. There is the benign appearing cyst that the doctor palpated on the right lobe and the mass that we knew nothing about that is wrapped around the left lobe of thyroid. I thought it was a mistake at first, that they messed up the right and left. That is not the case. If the doctor had not noticed the knot on the right side of her neck, we never would have known the suspected malignancy was there. We have no concrete plan yet to what will happen.

I am a nurse, my mind easily knows all the worst case scenerios and my mind just keeps repeating all those scenerios. She will be going to Children's on Monday and they told us to expect to stay. I have not talked to Riss about what the doctors are thinking and fuck if I know how I will approach that.

How do you tell a 15 year old that they are sick? She is my baby, my only little girl, my firstborn, how can I destroy her innocence. No matter the outcome she will come out of this a changed person. I am so afraid something will happen to her. I never wanted her to feel hurt or scared or to have to question her mortality at 15 years old. I know R is not the 1st person to recieve this type of diagnosis but it is just moving so fast. I feel like it just keeps tumbling over us and we cannot catch our breath. I beg of you no matter what your religion to pray for my daughter, hell sacrifice a chicken if you have to just please send those healing thoughts our way.

If anyone who reads this blog knows anyone especially an adolescent who has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer please let me know either through the comments or e-mail(denissa06 at axisps dot com), I would just like to know what to expect. R was always my healthy kid. In the last 10 years she has only been to the doctor once a year for physicals. Between the boy who turns blue, with a rare brain defect and the girl with the big "C", I must have pissed someone off in a a past life. I am raising the white flag, I am calling uncle. Please universe no more, because I really do not think I am strong enough to take it.

Happy 2009 Everyone!
I hope 2009 brings us a better economy and maybe even a better world!
I know at this point I was supposed to have a list of resolutions, things that I will do to better myself in the New Year, I have only one. I am an overachiever like that. My one resolution is to get this damn blow up electronic robot out of my dining room! This may seem like a small thing but it has been there almost a year. It mocks me with it's sightless blue eye. For some reason Rainman has a love hate relationship with this robot. He doesn't want it gone but it cannot leave the dining room either. So I have decided to take matters into my own hands. I have put a $5.00 bounty on the robots head.
Any takers?