Merry Christmas from my family to yours. May you all have a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous 2009!

I believe I mentioned that I love the holidays it fills me with a sense of hope and good cheer that lasts for about 10 minutes until it is time to get the heathens together for the Christmas card picture. Now I could just buy Christmas cards for about 30.00 and minus a migraine but like some type of sadist I make my own every year. Thus the hell of my mediocre Christmas pictures. I guess things are looking up this year, I only had to bribe Riss with an hour of computer time, but then of course Ralphie acted up. Next year I am just buying the damn cards. Hope you enjoy!

Thanksgiving and Christmas, even though I love them are very hard on me. I really have no contact with my (and I use this term loosely) Mother. My Mom is not the typical Mom. She always worked as a nurse to support 3 kids after she finally left my abusive Dad. I do not begrudge her for not being there for me 85% of the time(although my oldest brother(her favorite) she has been there for no matter what. I finally got tired of dragging my kids one with a health problem 6 hours in a car to see her. She has never made the effort to see her Grandkids unless I bring them to her. I decided on Mother's Day of last year that I would not be doing it as often and asked her when she thought she could come here to see the kids, since it is much easier on her to get here with no kids then me with 2 kids. She has yet to see them or even call. 2 Christmases have come and gone as have 2 Birthdays. My children have not received so much as a card for Christmas or their birthdays. I know this hurts Riss deeply as she used to be very close to her Grandmother that now because of yet another marriage cannot be bothered to see her Grandkids. She has Riss's cell phone number but has not called her in over a year and a half. Ralphie could care less. She is more of an illusion to him then anything. I pity her for that. I mean when you are on husband number 3, I would think you wouldn't yet again ditch your kids(except for her #1 of course) for whatever man you happen to be married to. I know this is a heavy post but I had to get this verbal vomit out before I went insane. I looked around at Jim's close family at Thanksgiving and it made me hurt so bad. I will never have that and that breaks my heart. One thing I know for sure is I refuse to ever do this to my kids or Grandkids should I be lucky enough to have them(in at least 20 years Riss!, no sooner!).
Then I saw this picture and realized no matter how much I miss having a Mother that gives a shit, I am still very very lucky and so very Thankful for them!

I love everything about Christmas, the gaudiness, the lights, the garland, and the presents. Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, I like giving presents although getting them is ok too;). I love it all! I know that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus but I cannot help but get caught up with the decorating. Risser hates me making her decorate but Ralphie seems to love it as much as I do. I hate putting up 6 boxes worth of decorations only to have to take them down 2 weeks later, so I usually put them up on the weekend of Thanksgiving. So this year I decided to get a head start on my dcorating and put them up this weekend. We got the inside decorations almost completelt done and we will do the outside tomorrow. Besides the neighbors got a head start on me, I saw the twinkling of light peeking out of their curtains. I just cannot have that:). So without further ado, here is the 2008 Christmas tree! *Drumroll Please*


The Tree:

There is still time! Get Out and Vote!

I have been a nervous wreck all morning. By all intents and purposes the Bears *should* beat the Lions. The Lions have not won a game all year and we kicked ass and took names the last time we played them. So why am I nervous? Well on paper we own them in all aspects of the game. Rushing, Passing, total Offense, and Total Defense. Unfortunately the game is not played on paper but on the field. The Lions surely cannot lose all their games and the Bears are at risk of looking past them to Tennessee next week. Kick-off is 1 hour away, if you need me Ill be in the corner breathing into a paper bag!

Ralphie was too big for his Halloween costume. At 4 years old he was too small for the 7/8 size and too big for the 4/6, the costume store had a no return policy and Jim bought the costume. I improvised by doing what any good caring mother would do, I bought women's leggings for the pants part of the costume and cut the legs off. In my defense I *did* put long underwear under the tights so he wasn't really wearing women's clothing:). So tell me, how bad does my *rigged* costume look?

Ralphie in his preschool parade:


Practicing his Spidey Moves:


Spidey's Mom:


Spidey's Dad:

The pictures are kind of meh and Ralphie looks like a ragga-muffin but we had a great day anyway!

We carved our pumpkin this weekend, or rather *I* carved the pumpkin. When you have a four year old who cannot stand sticky stuff on his hands, a significant other who harbors some unnatural resentment of holidays such as Halloween and Easter, and a teenager who really just doesn't care, I get pumpkin carving and Easter egg dyeing duties every year. The mess was all worth it for this picture! I would also like to say my child has a ginormous head so you can imagine how big the pumpkin is to make his melon look almost normal sized;>)

So Jim's Mom has discovered the world of Limewire. In the past we would find the 100 year old music she likes and download it and cut her a disc. Well she just came into the 21st century on the back of high speed internet. Thus she wanted Jim to set up Limewire on her computer. So she says just show me how to download a song. So she picks a Paul Anka song(Which I think would be worse then porn but whatev). So Jim says he is just tired at this point and wants to get the hell out of there so without looking just chooses the top song. Anyone who read the title of this post or actually uses Limewire knows exactly where this is going. So as Jim and his 67 year old Mom wait anxiously to hear the sounds of Paul Anka, they get a video of a girl going to town. Jim said he about died and could not get the window closed fast enough. His Mom just kept saying "Wha...What is that??!!" So there you have it folks, 1 more reason not to pirate music. You just might end up watching porn with your Mom!

I don't hate politics, I find it very interesting to know the issues and how I stand on those issues. I hate politicians. I hate that I have to pick who I feel is the lesser of the 2 evils. There has never been an election since I started voting in 1994 that I feel uneasy about both candidates as this 2008 election. I feel like I have to go with the guy who most matches my feelings on how this country should be run but I do not feel either of these gentlemen are "that guy". It reminds me of the vote or die South Park episode where they had the choice of a giant douche or a turd sandwich for thier school mascot. That episode doesn't seem so funny to me now. My friends that is what we have to choose from in this election. I see people get discouraged and not vote and it depresses me. That is the only bit of control I feel I have over this country we live in. So folks please vote, even if all we have to choose from are a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Oh well at least the Cubs wo....errrrr ummmmm nevermind

She finally let me get some pictures of her YAY! Although she did refuse to smile in most of them:>)

Please join me in helping remember those lost babies

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.

Action Steps:

Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.

GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.

GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."

GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

When I was growing up and playing with dolls I never named any of them Ralph nor did I ever think I would name my child Ralph. So it is just my luck to have found a Ralph the 3rd and fell in love. Of course when I found out I was pregnant with Ralphie the issue came up again if he was a boy we would have to continue the family name. Jim is the only male in his family. Now mind you 2 living people and 1 dead person shared this name, yet not a damn one went by it. So I insisted that if I had to name my child Ralph.....Ralph he would be. When I I met Ralphie after he was born, the name just suited him. He looks like a Ralphie, not a Ralph quite yet but a Ralphie. Everyone wants to call him R.J. which are his 1st 2 initials. It just sounds so much bigger then my Ralphie. This all leads me to the point of this post. Ralphie cried at preschool the other day because the teacher called him Ralph. He would not tell them why he was upset but let us know the minute he got into the car. We asked him what he wants to be called. He said"My name is Ralphie". Indeed it is

Ps. I don't write much about She who screams alot well because she can read and I do not want to embarrass her, she also won't let me take many pictures of her. I just LOVE teenagers!

A certain National league team, that will henceforth remain nameless lest I jinx them once again, just won the NL Central. I absolutely refuse to let these b@stards suck me in again just to break my heart. But for now I will send up a tentative *YAY* to the universe and never speak of it again. Cause you know There is always a 100 more years to wait for a Championship.

So you would think having 2 kids 10 years apart they would not have much to fight about. Well you like me would be thinking wrong. They fight constantly and to be perfectly honest the 14 year old is sometimes more immature then the 4 year old. She teases him about crying and picks on him constantly. He whispers things like jerk and jackass(yeah I am so proud) in her ear so we can't hear then she starts yelling about what he is saying. I did not think that sibling rivalry would be an issue with so many years between them. Once again I thought wrong. Ralphie had issues with a rare birth defect that was found when he started turning blue at 9 months. He spent a month in the hospital and was in and out for the next 2 years after. I think Riss felt misplaced because so much focus was on him.
I spent 600.00 on her for school clothes and 200.00 on him. Well he got more stuff cause well he doesn't care where his clothes come from and Old Navy is cheaper then Aeropostale and American Eagle. She doesn't care to hear that but said that of course we got him more stuff.
I knew that the chance of them being really close was slim because of the age difference but I also didn't expect them to fight 24-7. I would love to do more things with her but she isn't really into to hanging with her Mom at this point and Ralphie still think I am the shit:) We lost twins in between Rissa & Ralphie and I wonder if they had a sibling closer in age they would fight less. As it is I have 2 only children and sometimes that just sucks!

You would think living in OHIO, you would not feel the affects of a hurricane quite as bad as if you lived in a coastal town or city.
Did I mention I live in Bumfucked Ohio?!?!?!?!? We had winds
up to 80mph and had 2 tree tops fall on our house. Tree tops sounds
so insignificant until you add in the fact our trees are upwards of 100 feet tall. Add to that the power was off for over 24 hours and we actually had to *gasp* talk to each other. Boy I was purty at work this morning curling my hair in my office I cannot imagine living with this shit every year. I don't think warm weather is
worth it.

I was sitting on a patients couch talking to them about their new colostomy. The television was playing in the background. I hear Matt Lauer say something about an airplane flying into the World Trade Center. They said it was probably a commuter plane. In the next instant I watched horrified as another plane hit the WTC. I will never forget each mundane thing I did that day. Innocent things done before I realized we are not safe among our borders. Nothing I would do after would ever be the same.

I am getting fat. I have tried denying it for many months now. Today I could deny it no more. These pants fit me 1 year ago without pocket protrusion. Get me Jenny on the phone and gas up the Wii Fit STAT.

PS Please forgive my wrinkled appearance. I do home health and ride in the damn car all day which seems to give me alot of wrinkles. That's my story anyway.

This is crow I am happy to eat! That being said, I still hate you Angelo.

Can we just pretend for a moment that the Bears actually have a snowballs chance in Hell to beat the Colts. Stop laughing!

Things are not looking good as we go into this 2008 NFL season. We have a swiss cheese O-line, Kyle Orton, and a D that underachieved all pre-season. I am so damn tired of never having a quarterback. I am tired of a Jerry Angelo who wouldn't know a good draft pick if it bit him in his ass. Lets look at his record for Offensive players. Rex Grossman-Bust, Marc Columbo-Plays for the Cowboys, Cedric Benson-Bust. They need to get this jackass out of there.

The Bears are notoriously cheap but yet have one of the largest fans bases in the NFL. Where is all that money going? It is definitely not going to field a good team, but to line the McCaskeys pockets. I am sick to death of paying $100.00 for a ticket to a game and this is the thanks I get........Same old shit different year..................After Further Review.............The Bears Still Suck! Fuck You Jerry Angelo, and Fuck You McCaskeys!

Friday night was spent in the hospital, 1 day of preschool and he has strep throat, a double ear infection, and a sinus infection. I have a feeling there will be many more trips since he is just starting preschool. Thank God he only goes 2 days a week. Ralphie has texture issues and hates medicine with a white hot passion. So if you see a lady walking down the street with a pink stained shirt, say Hello, it is probably me! Thankfully he has started feeling better this morning as evidenced by the photo to the left. Although he is leaving trails of snot all through the house. Yay me! I live like a rock star.

Ralphie is a different sort of child. He has never been away from either one of us for more then a few hours and even those times are *very* few and far between. So today I sent 1 of my babies to High School(she wouldn't let me take her picture) and I sent the other to preschool. I know SWSA will do just fine in high school. She is confident and has a great group of friends. My nerves were for the boy. Ralphie is a great kid with an awesome imagination. Would the teacher understand to pretend to put batteries in him when his ran out? His obsession with robots and acting like a robot who frequently runs out of batteries and needs someone to put some new ones in LOL. Will the teacher "get him"? He has a certain way of doing things and will obsess over something until you address the issue. The whole divert their attention thing I used with my daughter does not work with Ralphie. Will they consider him a problem? Mostly I just want them to see the special little guy that I know. I will pick him up in 1 hour and I cannot wait to hear how his day went!

It's that time of year again. The time for family to come together to berate each other, make fun of each other and show our dysfunctional sides. Yea my friends yesterday was our Fantasy Football Draft. I will leave you with some of the pictures so that you too may revel in the dysfunction that is our family. Enjoy!

Some pictures from the bike trail/park we walk at. We can't get She who screams alot to walk with us. She is too busy doing things like sleeping all day. You know how *stressful* sleeping can be:)

Got a question you need an answer to? Something bothering you? Do you want to know if you will get that promotion? Well here is your chance to find out! Ask Ralphie will be a weekly video in which Ralphie will answer questions on video from e-mails. Please send your question by email, or just throw them in the comments section for Ralphie to answer next week!




*disclaimer* The producers of Ask Ralphie do not necessarily agree with the opinions expressed by a 4 year old. We also accept no responsibility for anyone following said advice.

2 weeks:
The oldest starts High School(God help me).
The Youngest starts Preschool
Pass the Zoloft and a bottle.

Beetles need love too

Thanks Jerry Angelo for once again sucking at your job. Wake me up when it's draft day because a high 1st round pick is the only thing Bears fans will have to look forward to in 2009. Then again he will probably screw that up too.

Only 40 days and 8 hours till the kickoff of the 2008 NFL season! That means 32 days till we draft for our fantasy football team. Let me just say.....I CANNOT WAIT! I do not get excited about any other sport but Football. I see Baseball as just filler until football season. Growing up in Illinois I am a die hard Chicago Bears Fan and Cubbies Fan(If you are a fan you do know that we do die hard EVERY year:(). As a female football fan I find that I do not get taken seriously by most male football fans. That is until we get into a conversation about football. He who I live in sin with(HWILISW) found out after we had been dating 3 months. When I threw the remote control at the tv because the Center(Olin Kruetz) had a false start penalty!!?? HWILISW then asked me if I could just go shopping or something on Sundays like normal women LOL. He watches his stinking Dallas Cowboys with nary a sneer at the tv whether they do good or bad. My screams on the other hand can be heard all over the neighborhood. So I ask YOU the one reader that I have......Are You Ready for Some Football!!??

We adopted Hazel the cat the Sunday after the 4th of July. She is as mellow as they come and fits right in. Luigi can be caught cleaning her at any given time, so the cat with the most seniority has given his lick of approval!