So little Rainman had to go pee, and he needed help to get his pants unbuttoned. I went in the bathroom to help him, so I got his pants unbuttoned and helped him pull them down, and without thinking set him down on the potty. To which he promptly replied "My weinerd is not in my butt Mommy, I stand up to pee" Ok no problem but then he looks at me and says, "Do you have a weinerd in your butt Mommy?" Apparently this is why girls pee sitting down, we have weinerds in our butts.

So Rainman is a 3.75 year old milk drinking machine. He has had a long love affair with milk. So imagine my surprise when I noted the milk I got at the gas station(yeah yeah I know but it was an emergency) 2 days ago was still full. I asked him if he wanted milk this morning. His response NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Imagine that said at ear splitting decible times 100 then you can fathom how loud it was. I said all we have is milk. He said "I don't wike ello milk" So apparently little Rainman was upset that his milk love was in a yellow container. So the milk must be yellow too right? I had to pour the milk into a clear glass to show him it was white. Even after acknowledging that yes the milk was white he was quite suspicious. I finally got him to drink it and I thought that was the end of it. Well as I was putting him into bed tonight he sleepily said "Mommy" Yes? "Can we go get white milk tomorrow?" "Cause I don't wike ello milk"
*sigh*

Now my friend Scaren is one of the most cool "normal" people I know. The thing about Scaren is she is surrounded by people with odd theories about everything. She is a virtual plethora of humorous stories. Today's post will be about her husband Bark*. Now to put this into perspective, Bark wore a mullet up until 5 years ago with the requisite black comb in his back pocket. Bark never graduated from high school nor did many members of his family. So Scaren is a bit of a rock star to them since she graduated and also has a bit of college under her belt.
So Scaren calls me yesterday and tells me Bark has a brand new theory. Bark heard from the guys he works with that Barack is a closet Muslim. If that weren't scandalous enough Muslim's apparently have a network of friends that can/will kill you with a mere nod from Barack should he become President. Now he has nothing to back this up but a couple of redneck cement pourer's he works with.
Here is our conversation
Scaren: Bark came home with a new theory yesterday

Me: Do tell I can only imagine

Scaren: He says Barack Obama is a closet Muslim.

Me: Really Ummmmm so what if he was

Scaren: Well Bark says that the guys told him that if you are Muslim you have a network of people who will kill for you. And if he becomes President he will start having people killed

Me: Wow maybe we should become Muslim's, cause that would rock

Me: Really Scaren how do you take it? How do you not just punch him in the head when he says shit like that?

Scaren: I like him dumb, I can mindfuck him that way

Indeed!
*names changed to protect the innocent and the stupid

Hi my name is Nissa and I am an alcoholic...............Oh wait wrong blog. Anyway, my name is Nissa and I am a 33 year old home care nurse with very odd friends. I can only hope to capture the weirdness that is the world I live in, and the people I surround myself with. This is their story.....